23/04/2009

Today is my 2nd day since Im out of job from P&G. Initially I wasn't really got used to having to having not to go to work. But coming to think that it has already been as a reality to me, I have to face it no matter how I feel.. Why exactly am I like this? Commiting mistakes uncautiously, my brain works slower than others or I'm really not fitted and suitable to work in this society at all.

I was totally lost.. Why do i need to face all these eventually? It soo difficult to sustain in this society is it? Having regrets of what I had done, is already too late to amend or make up for my mistakes after really coming into realisation of the true fact of what has happened.

If life was'nt sooo pressurizing, realistic, competitive and so fast-paced, will the situation changed? Why was I the only one that was left alone which was unable to keep a job and kept losing my job after sooo many attempts of trying to find something which I like to work? Is it entirely my fault for ending up like this..

And my japanese, am i able to do well the next time round.. I don't want to give up, but am I able to do it? Difficult and I struggled but am I putting in my best effort? I cant always give the excuse that "people bound to make mistakes all the time". I need to stand up and overcome it. I know that if i dont want to overcome it myself first, no one can really help me also.

18/03/2009

Oh dear, I think I've not been blogging for years... hahaha..

I feel that I should maybe give up this blog, since I am really not in the mood to really do blogging.

Anyway, I just finished watching a great drama, sad to say that it ended, but it was a beautiful ending to me. Again, I lose my job.. This is already the 7th or 8th times I think??Y is my life and fate like this? Is it really all lies in me? or?

However, life still needs to go on. There is no such thing that money will drop from heaven for me to pick isn't it. Now I was just in a state of blank mind not wanting to do anything, I was just letting the days to pass. No idea of whether am I supposed to get a new job? getting the kind of same results again? or??

Really have no clue on what exactly I wanted to do. And TOH, Am I really going to give up of not going? Maybe, I should really make plans for whether this church is still worth for me to attend anot.. Friendship is another problem especially someone which you trust and befriended as best and close friend to me changed his attitude and character. Its really difficult to overcome all these. I asked myself, am i doing these things for myself or for the sake of others?

15/11/2008

I have not been blogging for quite some time, sometimes am just wondering of what to write in my blog.. Anyway, I feel that its better to write something. Christmas is approaching soon and the atmosphere of christmas really cheers me up, with all the lightings decorations, chocolates, Christmas trees, and many many more! I've been waiting for this day for a long time!!!

Work so far for me was fine, all the colleages were very nice to me, I believe the source came from GOD that is always helping me and guiding me at all times, and I really thank GOD for everything!! The day to the JLPT test was reaching soon, as everyday pass day by day, I feel more and more pressured, will i be able to pass this time round? The time is simply too short for me to studying everything isnt it? What should I do?

Somemore, church activities is simply soo many to attend, somehow i feel that I was forced to go? But is it needed to go and attend everything even if I really need to have the time to study and have my personal time was gone becos of that? After attending church and by the time i reached home was really late, I din even have the time to really study as I was really very very tired after a long day at work and then church. If i din go to church, they will be like police interrogate a criminal like that to ask me how come Im not attending church and the activites for once or twice? And gave comments that I changed after I got a job or what...(*n*)

I felt that is church really like that? GOD really wants us to go willingly isnt it but not by force.
Why do i need to obey to all these?

What can I say?j Do i really have a choice? Although how angry and stressed out I am? I cant even have the freedom isnt it?

21/09/2008

Oh, I just noticed that the time has just passed so fast. Its already mid-night 12:16 in the morning of 22/09/2008.

I recalled of the events and things which took place these few days, I felt really blessed and encouraged by the LORD that HE had used Rev. Pastor Richard Kay sooo almightly to deliver the WORD of GOD to each one of our hearts. We received such great encouragements of how much GOD had loved us and as to how about achieving our goals and attaining what GOD had placed in each and everyone of our life.

Recalling of how depressed i was after the shocking news of knowing that I need to quit by my own accord during my probation period which was the same as getting fired in an indirect way, I felt really rejected, depressed and disappointed? Thousands of questions of reasoning of why I had to go through this kind of process again and again? Is this really my life? Y does this happened to me time and time again? Can I really start afresh again? And able to work like a good worker which I wont get fired again? How come I couldnt even protect and sustain in my job? And even started to compare and feel inferior inside of why does others able to work and sustain in their company without getting fired yet I cant? I couldnt even further my studies and cant even work and maintain a stable career in my life?

Bobby was really furious and angry as he dropped me home from the usual monthly prophetic night prayer, that he raised his voice at me and scolded:"CAN U PLEASE STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE?" I knew that he meant well and he really cares for me very much as a wonderful brother in church, but at that moment, I really had no choice by seeing myself of getting fired and fired again and again in my job feeling really disappointed and devasted and really feel like giving up..

During these 3 days or 4 days from wednesday to sunday, which Rev. Pastor Richard Kay had preached and shared on the sermon and teaching, I really felt that GOD is always there for me, irregardless of whether I had a job or not? He loves and stands by me whenever and wherever I am. He really showed me that I shouldnt never ever give up no matter what happens in my life. I knew that GOD always had the best plans and purpose in my life and He wanted me to accomplish HIS purpose by really seeking HIM and leaving everything elses into HIS hands and He will take care of the rest. During these 3 days, I really prayed hard and seek the Lord hoping and praying that my situation will change and I will have a breakthrough in my life. I dont want to remain as to what i am and continue to become self-pity and depressed, but I knew that I need to fight against the attacks and works of the devil which is trying to seize away my joy and blessing which I am going to attain from GOD. My spirit was lifted up and encouraged and I really praised and thank GOD for everything which HE had done in my life.

When I attended IJCS today, I met a new friend, his name is Kawaguchi Dan, i didnt even realised and noticed that he is one of a pastor's son and he looks soo young, fashionable as well as his hair, and his appearance. Everyone was just happy and feeling blessed to have him to join in the service today. HIS voice was sooo beautiful, he's like Hirai Ken's brother? His voice really can just bring us to a atmosphere which is really peaceful that we can just forget everything else just by listening to his voice when he sings. Although its only a short duration of only a few hours of knowing him, I felt really happy and great to have him as my friend, he is friendly, adorable and kind, and he had a great ambition to minister to the young people in Japan. What a great passion he has for GOD!! He sang for us too today and everyone was just soo engrossed by his singing, he really had a great voice. And when we went for dinner, he was sooo adorable that he kept saying umai and oishii of every dishes which we ate. He cant really know how to remove the shell of the local crab, and I helped him just like helping my little brother. Anyway, its really great and wonderful knowing him, not to forget, we took photos with him too. I will pray that He has a safe journey home and really look forward to see him soon.

12/09/2008

I couldnt believe that I would received such a present of getting fired again by my superior,
Y does all these has to happen on me again? Y do i need to go through this again? Y cant I stay on a job which I like? Y does people can sustain their job but y cant I couldnt? Many questions comes into my mind.

I couldnt understand why my life has to be like that.. What's the use of studying soo much in the end getting this kind of return? My heart felt really shattered and in pain when i heard that I was fired again? What's the use of not giving up, pulling through every situation but in the end I did not have a good return? I felt soo useless and helpless.. Although I wanted to look for a job, but does that mean that when i really found one, I wont be fired again? Always and Always I told myself never ever to give up and GOD will surely bless me and protect me through, but y does i need to go through these again and again??

Every job I was fired, Y did i need to go through these? I REALLY HATED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Change and change job finding and finding a new job again and again? what am I in this society? A failure? A person whicn was not suitable to fit into this society? Y only me? Y only I had to go through being fired in every job. I really tried my every best and effort already, but y must u all reject me and dun let me work? what grave mistake did i done to deserve all these?

JESUS REIGNS IN US FOREVER!!!!!

Just came back from the Kallang Indoor Stadium after attending th Festival of Praise!!

Its really a power pact and wonderful performance by the Parachute Band, as well as Hillsongs and Rebeun Morgan! The presence of the HOLY SPIRIT was soo strong that every each one of us experience that very intimate touch of GOD coming from above! The atmosphere was simply soooo awesome and peaceful with the joy and the freedom that we can just place everything upon HIM through all things which had happened regardless of good or bad!

Thinking about the past and now, I had really encouraged and changed by GOD through knowing and drawing closer to HIM, I've learnt to discipline myself although at times I may just forgot but to interrupt and cut in into other's conversation unknowingly but I'm currently trying very very hard to overcome this habit. I wanted to become better and be the woman that GOD wants me to be as well as obeying and doing as to what HIS will desires me to do.

In times of difficultes and trials which I faced in my life including getting fired times and time again, being attacked by the devil, betrayed by the friend which I trusted, being persecuted, misunderstood by family and friends, as well as the painful part which hurts my emotions and feeling really badly and wounded was being rejected by the one whom I loved and concerned while I gave him everything yet my return was nothing at all.. GOD stood by my side all the times, HE encouraged me that HE never forsake me nor will be like men in this world to fail in one another, HE doesnts leaves me alone and HE always bless me with everything which I need.

Men will used words to hurt each other all the times, but GOD doesnt. Recalling the period of times when I felt really down and rejected by Bobby and when he tried to avoid me and stay away from me, I felt really upset and terrible inside my heart, I had even thought of dying and using the pen-knife to cut myself becos I felt really rejected and hurted.. It was like blood was just dripping slowly out from your heart from small drips of blood to big gush of blood flowing out from the location which was hurted. But GOD always encourage me and told me that I can rely on HIM even if everyone fails me, HE will never ever fails, forsake or will he hurt me just like any other men does to me. I felt the love of HIM and my spirit and soul was really encouraged by HIM. Whatever He promised, He always answers and always by my side at all times..

I really thank GOD for everything indeed!! Honor and praise GOD forever and ever!! HIS glory and honour to reign and reign forever in us!!!!

Photos taken recently!!!